I am back at work. As a teacher, it's really been heavenly to stay home with her and watch all the new things she learns. I just soak in her little smiles of accomplishment when she figures out that she doesn't have to just sit and cry when I leave the room, that she can come find me.
It's hard to reconcile: I have to work. But I feel such longing and responsibility to be with her. I wish there were other options. I am actually quite resentful that I have to be at work. I was weepy on my last night at home, wistfully wishing she's wake up so I could hold her in the middle of the night. I will be off next year, but it won't be the same. She will only be this age once, and I am going to miss months 10-12 almost completely. I gotta say, spending maybe one hour a day with her is not going to cut it. I have to figure something out.
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